DKM Hockey Podcast

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

How to Troll a Penguins Fan

The 2014 Stanley Cup playoffs are upon us and the Columbus Blue Jackets are facing the Pittsburgh Penguins in first round competition.  It's no secret that most Penguins fans think their team is the greatest gift God has given the world since joining the NHL in 2005.  But, let's remind some of those bandwagon Penguin fans of the humility the team has had to endure since actually joining the league in 1967.
If we're all honest with ourselves, we know the little girl scores
with MAF trying really had to stop the shot.

- The Penguins filed for Bankruptcy in 1975, after making the playoffs only twice in 8 years.

- OH COME ON! The Penguins filed for Bankruptcy  AGAIN in 1998, after making the playoffs for 8 straight seasons including two Stanley Cup Championships.

- The Pittsburgh Penguins are only one bankruptcy away from a Bankruptcy Hat Trick.

Consol Energy Center was not constructed without it's share of controversy, and as you may have guessed, almost went bankrupt before the first game was ever played.

- The Penguins intentionally tanked the 1983-1984 season in order to draft Mario Lemieux first overall in the 1984 entry draft.

- Not removing Marc-Andre Fleury's balls is likely the only reason the Penguins ever got Sidney Crosby.

- Bankruptcies and shady first round picks that save a franchise.  Anyone else see a trend?

- Marc-Andre Fleury's initials are MAF - also engineer lingo for "Mass Airflow Filter."  Yep, MAF lets a lot of things through...

- The Blue Jackets out drew the Penguins from 2000 to 2007 - while the Penguins finished last in attendance for the 2003-2004 season.

- The Penguins starred in a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie.

- The Penguins let Scotty Bowman walk.  Today, they have the beloved Dan Bylsma.

- The Penguins were worth $101 million dollars in 2005 when the CBJ were worth $135 million dollars.

- The ice conditions at the Consol Energy Center are not the best.  Our guess is the humidity inside the arena is to blame - since most Penguins fans breathe through their mouths...

- Penguins fans struggle with Satire.

- Penguins fans are too stupid to know when they are actually getting trolled.

There you have it.  While Penguins fans point and laugh at us here in Columbus for not having a team as individually skilled as theirs (which is fact and can't be argued), their past is not glorious or glamorous.  They cannot pretend their team hasn't had it's fair share of obstacles to overcome - even if this is the first time they are hearing the Penguins existed before 2005.

hyperlinks with all troll-icious data viewable with desktop browers

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