DKM Hockey Podcast

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

NHL 2013 - Create a Fan

It's a long time running gag we have here at Distinct Kicking Motion - "Madden Points."  You know, in any EA Sports game you have the opportunity to create a player.  You are allotted a fixed amount of 'points' to distribute amongst dozens of attributes for your player.  Each attribute could be assigned up to 99 points, but you only had enough points to 'max out' a couple of attributes.  How well the player performs is determined by how you distributed the points. It was fun.   It's in all EA Sports games, but most folks know what you're talking about when you call them "Madden Points."

This a registered trademark.  Please don't sue us and stuff.

One day about 10 years ago, we were sitting around talking about a good looking girl in the office, and I believe it was Morgan_Ward_140 who said, "God may have given her a 95 in looks and a 99 in body, but he only gave her 36 points in offensive awareness."  This young lady was such a sweetheart, drop dead gorgeous, and hadn't caught on that guys only talked to her because they wanted to be on her.  So sparked the "Madden Points" joke we've shared for a decade.

In the EA Sports NHL hockey games, your categories were stuff like: Shot accuracy, shot power, skating, checking, aggression, speed, offensive awareness, defensive awareness, etc...  The combination of theses different categories gave you an overall rating as a player.  Now a days you can customize your skates, sticks, and gloves.  What made it even more fun was that you could look at NHL rosters and see how they ranked real NHL players in those stats.

We got to talking the other day about our different level of fandom and wondered if there was a "Create a Fan" option in NHL 13 how the categories would look.   Here's the breakdown of the categories for being a fan:

Blind Loyalism: there's nothing you like better than feeling part of a team by rooting for them 0=You'd rather wax your mother in laws armpits.  99=Your team runs a drug cartel and they are still the best guys in the world
Homerism: 0=They still suck  99= at 9-56-12 you list 5 positive from each loss.
Uberness:  0=who are these guys?  99=you talk about the team or players like the were in your wedding because they autographed a napkin for you once.
Hockey Knowledge:  0=what's tag up icing?  99=You could legitimately be considered for a pro coaching/mgmt job.
Hockey Ability:  You're playing ability at it's peak. this is like an 8 point grade scale with NHL starting at 92.  64 is an F. Capped at 45 if you've never tried out for a team.
Impact on Real Life: 0=duh 99=you purposely bash people for having a different opinion than you, don't go to kids events to watch games, wish you had played the sport as a child.
Team History: 0=Who's Rick Nash?  99=you know the times and full scoring of all of Espen Knutsen's All Stars goal on instant recall
Paying Customer: the team's performance dictates how much you spend money on fandom. 0=no interest, even if you're given owner's suite tickets for game 7.  99=you spend $500 for on the glass seats behind the penalty box vs the Islanders instead of paying rent
You Might have a problem: 99=you go out of your way to find out where players live, shop, park and intentionally seek them out.

Then we got Let's look at some of our contributors, max point allocation of 600.
ContributorMorgan Ward 140Blue Jacket BulldogJohn T Kemp
Blind Loyalism3510080
Hockey Knowledge854040
Hockey Ability78535
Impact on real life409035
Team History551540
Paying Customer358570
You Might have a problem104540

From this representation of fandom, you can clearly see Morgan Ward is not wired very well for fandom.  If you've read his posts, you already knew that.  John T Kemp is a very excited, loyal and positive fan who doesn't take it too seriously, but still. CBJ Bulldog, well - he gushes over everything CBJ only knowing they've existed for about 6 weeks.

So how would you rank yourself as a fan?  Are you blindly loyal?  Are you just a hater?  Is rooting for the #CBJ a healthy habit?  Rank yourself and find out...

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